First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes eternity? Maybe NOT.
Yesterday I was at a focus group with people in my age group. All of us 20-29 and the subject was marriage. For me its not something I'm anxiously awaiting. Sure it would be nice, but its not necessary, at least not at my young 23 years of age. I think a lot of young people get married out of pressure from their parents. church, society norms. Maybe you weren't allowed to spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend enough and you decided to marry as the only option to not disappoint your parents?
For a lot of people marriage has a religious connection, therefore you do it to fulfill that duty or because its your tradition. We touched on what benefits a marriage can bring, what does a marriage really mean? some of us said Love, Commitment, Happiness. But then we started thinking, can't you have the same thing by just cohabitating with someone? Of course you can, because a piece of paper doesn't magically bring all these things with it.
Sadly, the only thing we came up with was that the institution of marriage is a business arrangement, one that benefits each party by providing tax breaks, cheaper housing and living expenses all together because everything is shared.
Marrying young to me is a huge risk and probably not for me. Why? because these are the times where we are molding and finding ourselves and by the time you are done becoming who you want to be you may not connect with your significant other anymore. Then you realize you wasted a lot of time, restricted yourself to keep the other happy, and in a legal mess. If I were finished doing ME and the things I want to accomplish I'd feel better about planning a wedding.
One example of what I'm talking about is... you get married and both are still trying to finish school or starting your careers. By the time you are finished there may be an intellectual disconnect or a lack of interest in what the other is doing. Or you stop doing things you wanted to do like maybe going to grad school cuz you have a wife to support or kids because you decided to rush into it...
God gave us ONE chance at life, a very short one at that, so why would you live your life for someone else because your husband or wife doesn't want you to? Passing up opportunities and risks BECAUSE you're married.
I think its better to just build a relationship with someone and live with them and bring out the best in eachother BEFORE you take the plunge, because a signed piece of paper and the approval of your family or church WILL NOT magically make these things happen. Its more important to make sure the love and commitment, understanding and compromise is there before you invest yourself legally and financially with someone who in the end may not be THE ONE.
On the topic of marriage came LOVE. I'd never stopped and thought about these two things. Love is a journey, a risk you are willing to take in life. What if you say it too soon? What if you just say it and don't mean it? What if its not said back? OR it could also be that you did love that person at one point but as time goes by and people change or grow apart, the love fades away.
I came to the conclusion that LOVe and the action LOVING is something bigger than I give it credit for. It truly is a very strong word, for an emotionally guarded person such as myself it is very risky to express. Its such a huge vulnerability. What if you give too much and you don't get that in return? That can make someone never want to be in a long lasting committed relationship much less marriage.
So I guess it got me really thinking that unless it FEELS like love and there is no other word to describe it (perhaps affection, infatuation, etc.) that LOVE is a huge risk its not just a word. LOVE happens, you don't force it and you shouldn't EXPECT it. I think its just destined to happen if you find that person you feel strongly for, you move in together, you are committed and happy... I think MArriage (making it official for religious or traditional purposes) should come after.
A lot of young people nowadays don't want to get married, is it because we're scared that that label of WIFE and HUSBAND makes us a little super human and that more is expected of us? I think so. ANd while on the subject and being pessimistic, how can you expect that the person you marry will be the same person in 30 years and that you'll still love them?
I truly believe all good things come to an end. I'm not sure I believe in forever LOVE i would absolutely take the chance and want to experience it but its just unrealistic, Nada dura nada es para siempre. <3
